I am bursting with all the emotions – where to begin, where to end?
My internal struggle is gaining a voice and I don’t know how to deal with it.
It has been a quiet struggle.
A persistence struggle sometimes a forgotten struggle but it never went away.
The longing for answers and acceptance in between all the lines hurt.
“What are you? Black? Certainly not white? Mixed race? German?”
“But I mean, where are you really from?”
“Oh your dad still lives with you?”
“You must have good rhythm?”
“You have such a black voice.”
“I like you but I don’t really know how to handle black women.”
“Don’t bring anything mixed into the house!”
“You are as brown as my shit.”
“I wish I was white.”
“How can you find me pretty?”
“Oh you all have the same dad?”
“They eat people.”
“Obviously you’re got at Basketball, you’re black!”
“You need to be as quiet as possible so they don’t notice your blackness.”
“You must have huge nipples.”
“You must be wild in bed!”
“Your hair feels like carpet!”
“You must work extra hard!”
“Why is your body shaped like that?
“Do you taste like chocolate?”
“What, you like classical music?”
“I can’t tell my mum about you.”
“Let’s go I don’t want them to see you!”
“Go back to where you came from! Go back to Africa!”
Where to begin, where to end?
I know I am not alone in this. I know I have worth and I know we can change this.
But for now I am resting in the space, listening to the voices and cries that demand and deserve justice.
Because without justice there can be no peace. Enough!